...obsessed...

I thought being in love would make me someone else, something MORE than what I was...XP3

I remember when I was 12 years old...very memorable day in my young life...sitting right in front of the canteen at Caton's Island. My parents sat me down and I will always remember this talk for the rest of my life...they told me that I was now allowed to go out and in their words "spend time" with a girl as more than just friends...

In my family the time spent with someone you were interested in dating or had a crush on was a pretty big deal, and my parents felt that it was something that came with age and maturity. Dating and "hanging out" with a girl for me was something that I didn't just do whenever or with whoever I wanted. That stage of my life came when I was 12 years old...and we all know how important and deep a dating relationship can be at 12 years old...but in any case, it was the beginning of a new world for me...a world of dates, holding hands and of course the opportunity for a first kiss...very epic moments in a young man's life...

For myself, relationships became a very important aspect to my life. The want for a girlfriend and that sense of identity became center in my life...and for the next 4 to 5 years I spent my time focused on finding that person to fill that spot...and that want eventually turned into a very intense obsession that I know some people experience. Friendships were lost and ruined a lot of times in that because when all I wanted was that deeper relationship when really that wasn't God's plan at that moment in my life.

This obsession ended up taking over my life so much that I started into relationships that I definitely shouldn't have been involved in...and that eventually led to an obsession to those girls that I was in relationships with...and that got dangerous.

There's a spot in our hearts that needs to be filled...we have all felt it in our lives at some point or maybe it still isn't filled. It's the idea of someone loving us and us having that person to pour our love into. And that spot leads to us looking for a certain someone to fill that...and ya it sounds cute and corny but sometimes it turns into a very dangerous game of filling that spot at all costs...and that's where we start destroying a plan that has already been planned for our lives but a God that cares so much about filling the lonely parts of our heart.

Obsession with the idea that there is one single person out there in this world that will rescue us from eternal loneliness and save us from everything heart breaking in this world is a dangerous hope to hold onto. The idea that there is a single person that will makes us happy with nothing else will is a hope that will always fall short of fulfilling that purpose. I know for myself I had to come to a place where there was a complete and amazing happiness in the idea that if I was never to be with someone again for the rest of my life, but I have a relationship with a God that honestly takes that loneliness away...I felt that I finally fit the word HAPPY. This was definitely a sense of happiness that I had never felt before...and in that feeling and in that security...I feel like I am now in a place that for someone to be in my life that I am falling completely in love with doesn't fulfill an empty place, but this person adds and creates a new kind of happiness that adds what my identity in the love of God...

A love like this has never felt more perfect or more real than it does now...Being in love with someone after already being in love with the ultimate lover is what real love is to me...Everything I felt before which I thought was love, was only an imitation of the love that I now feel for first the love for God...but also for the girl that I am falling in love with every day...

There is a search for love of a person that can be an empty search in the dark...but when the love that really counts and the love that will last for a life time, from a God who is desperately in love with you, then nothing can feel more real and more incredible...

...do not find yourself lost in an obsession with a search for the wrong love...cause the real love is already there waiting for you...and you will not discover the love God has for you until you first discover and accept His love...that is the REAL love...