...you just know...

It's crazy when you actually get to the point in your life when the decisions you make and the roads you decide to go down actually start making a difference. It's not about what do I want to do when I grow up, it turns into what am I going to do in the next 3 months to decide exactly where I'm going. That realization gets pretty scary. All these emotions start building up deep inside your heart and day after day you're trying to figure out what all these emotions mean and what direction they are taking you....and then all of a sudden something happens and you just can't ignore the feeling that takes over your heart...

This past Sunday morning I was leading the worship at Kings Valley Wesleyan Church...nothing different or anything extra special was supposed to happen. Normal service and normal worship. Lately I have been feeling that any idea I would come up with for going away to some crazy awesome school or ministry training program just wasn't right. A huge part of me wanted to go, but I don't even know if I can explain it, but it just didn't feel right. Something kept bringing my heart back....and I still even right now can't completely tell what that is...but that Sunday morning something hit me so hard when I was leading the worship. I am not done here...I am not done fulfilling what God has been doing in my heart and in this place. I can't even fully explain it, but after that morning, there is no way I could leave. God is doing something beyond anything anyone could fully understand. And I feel that on Sunday morning...I got a very very small piece of that. And my heart was filled...my heart could never leave. I want to be a part of this...I want to see what God is going to do...and that filled my heart.

I still don't know exactly what's going to happen...and maybe I'll never know until the exact moment it happens...but there is something I know for sure. My heart isn't done here. There is something I am falling in love with in this place...and maybe that's the point. Maybe explaining it just ruins the incredible feeling in your heart. YOU JUST KNOW. I can't see it...there are so many things I still have questions about...but I don't need to see it right now because I know it's going to be ok. I know that whatever is planned for my life...I am going to be exactly where I'm supposed to be. And I want to obey that feeling in my heart. I don't want to run away from it. YOU JUST KNOW. And when you just know....you need to follow that no matter who is telling you not to or if someone is saying to experience more...when you know where God puts your heart...well YOU JUST KNOW...