...16 Days...intimacy with God

I'm sitting here in the prayer chapel at Bethel College. Nick Hindes just finished talking to the six teenagers here for 16 Days...a road trip style journey of what discovering what it means to live in the reality of the man or woman of God they have been created to be.

I talked early this morning about the unique ministry that God has put them and what that looks like for each person...who am I to be? Why do I feel or look different? How does God want me to be ME to this world? It was incredible to see the hope in their eyes that the way God created me to be was not a mistake. I was created for purpose and love to give this world.

And it was incredible to here Nick talk about their intimacy because that is where this all begins....our intimacy with God where we discover who we really are. If we aren't diving deeper Into those darker places of our hearts and giving absolutely everything over to Him...how will we see clearly the man or woman God has created us to be....we need to build that relationship with our Father. And then we can start to see clearly the man or woman of God we are supposed to to be. God starts to move...God starts to create...God starts to smile.


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...conflict...

Our final talk at KV Middle School Youth on friendship...

What if you’re doing everything right in a friendship...what if you’re picking the right friends...what if you are giving everything into a friendship....AND CONFLICT STILL HAPPENS....WHAT DO I DO WHEN IT HAPPENS...WHAT HAPPENS WHEN EVERYTHING FALLS APART...

You guys all know that for me growing up, friendships meant the absolute world to me. Having friends was very important to me. I wanted to be around people all the time and make everyone like me more than anything. So if anything was ever going wrong with a friendship...I needed to know everything was ok no matter what Even if I was being the most annoying person in the world to my friends. I had to make sure that everything was ok when it came to every little argument or disappointment. Even if the other person was in the wrong...I had to say the words IM SORRY....I’m sorry was a phrase that people heard quite a bit if they were in a friendship with John Lamos....and you probably will still here it from me all the time. I cared a lot about my friendships.

But there is another side of this that happens all the time in friendships...and it’s the fact that sometimes we don’t care about something bad happening with a friend...something really crappy with a best friend...and there is nothing that you want to do to make it better with that person...there is nothing in this world that pulls your heart to make it better. There are times when you don’t even want to look at the person let alone make everyone happy and smiley...the intense thing is is that sometimes it isn’t even a big thing that happens...a friend does something like disagree with you or something like that and we just lose it! I had friends like that...i would do something that i never felt was a huge thing....and they would LOSE it! And of course I was the one all sad coming up and saying sorry and looking like a huge panzy for not sticking up for myself haha...but how true is it that we freak out at our closest and best friends in this world over things...

And when you take a second and really look at it...that sucks that it happens. When you stand back for a second and look at your closest friends in this world and something happens that comes in between you...it is so easy to forget how close you are...and everything is ruined...and that HURTS your heart....and sometimes when the hurt is bad enough we don’t want anything to do with friends anymore...it’s easier to just not be close to people...it’s easier to forget about friendship and about love for a friendship and the closeness that happens with you have an incredible friendship....

BUT IS IT WORTH LOSING A FRIENDSHIP...IS CONFLICT EVER WORTH LOSING SOMEONE LIKE THAT...HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH A FIGHT OR CONFLICT LIKE JESUS WOULD...HOW DO YOU NOT LET CONFLICT GET IN THE WAY OF A FRIENDSHIP THAT GOD IS TOTALLY IN...

MATTHEW 22:37-39....love your neighbour as yourself....

This is a verse that probably everyone has heard at least one time in their lives...and it’s totally easy to just write that off and to not think much about it...i totally know i have....But if you really listened to what that verse meant and what that verse was really saying...it’s pretty intense! Imagine what would happen if we really genuinely lived by what that verse said...what would happen....what would be different...

But at the same time...how HARD would that be to live like that...be honest with yourself...how hard would it be to always ALWAYS treat your friends, brothers, sisters, parents...everyone as you wanted to be treated....that is not an easy thing....BUT IT IS SO IMPORTANT...

GOD DIDN’T SAY THAT THIS WAS THE MOST IMORPANT COMMANDMENT FOR A REASON....friendships are so important to God...we were created to have relationships, we were created to be close to people and connect with people...because we were created in God’s image and God wants to be connected and have that love with us so of course we long for that same closeness with Him but also with people...that’s why we are so passionate about friendships...and really that’s why we get so intense in conflict...

It actually says in Matthew 5:23-24....if you were bringing a sacrifice...stop what you are doing and fix the conflict with someone before you finish your offering...actually before you even put it on the altar...God cares so much about our friendships that He does not want conflict to exist with someone...it gets in the way of so much...not just our friendship with that person...but in our entire lives...how easy is it to get angry about other things when you are already angry with your best friend....I know for me when i was actually angry about something with a close friend...everything else made me angry...i would get angry with people that had no connection with my “friend fight”...God, parents, brothers and sisters, everyone...and that sucks...and it’s stupid...and that’s what God is talking about when it matters to Him when we are fighting with our friends...it isn’t a small thing...it can take over our lives in intense ways that sometimes we can’t see until it’s already happening...

Ephesians 4:26-27

So what if conflict still happens...because no matter how hard we try...we are human unfortunately...our friendships always involve two people who are completely imperfect in every single way...so of course conflict is going to happen no matter how hard we try...so I think the best question to really ask is HOW DO I DEAL WITH CONFLICT IN A WAY THAT HONORS GOD...

And this is not easy...doesn’t matter if you’re 11, 12 or if you’re 21...learning to get the best of conflict instead of letting conflict get the best of you takes so much practise...and I know for me....that’s always a struggle...because there are times even for someone who always says sorry...where I just want to lose it on someone...someone does something and I want to freak out and I want to get back at that person no matter what...im going to get revenge no matter what I have to do to do it...But that’s where we have to remember that verse....treat your friend the same way you would want to be treated...it’s not about getting revenge...it’s not about getting back at a friend...it’s about showing the love that God shows us through the ultimate friendship...how many times do we screw up our friendship with God? And how many times does He forgive us and still loves us? I think we can do this...do not give up on a friendship even if something horrible happens...cause we need eachother...especially as a youth group...even with us in this youth group we can hurt eachother...talking about bullying last week and everything....we need eachother so much...we need to just love eachother....

...there is no wasted time...

Looking back on the last year or so of my life is pretty intense. I've done some things that I definitely never thought I would do. But when I look at where I am right now...I don't think I would be sitting here at my computer right now writing this if I didn't go through what I did. Ya what I went through definitely wasn't the hardest thing in the world and people have gone through life dealing with incredibly harder things...but that was enough for me. Feeling that there was absolutely nothing inside me that was making me happy, nothing inside that felt anything like "John Lamos" was definitely the worst feeling I have ever had in my heart.

Then there was that moment...and I doubt I will ever forget it...where that realization came that I needed to make a choice. Either this was going to keep going into something that would change my life into something I never wanted to be...or I needed to come back. Come back to a place that I haven't been for years. And when I came back to that place...I guess the only way to completely describe it is to say my heart was full. And since that day God hasn't stopped showing me something incredible. There is a life that I was not living. There was a life that I am now discovering. And this discovery has not been easy.

Since September a journey has started that has been full of high points...full of excitement, full of intensity. I have never for a second stopped learning...about myself, about other people. Even though this learning has been the most exciting and fulfilling thing I have ever done...God still lets us go through very hard times. Through discovery and through learning...there can be a lot of pain. But when you truly think about learning and discover...there has to be pain. How else can you learn or discover?

My Dad reminded me of something tonight that I know for myself is so easy to forget. GOD DOES NOT WASTE TIME...there are no moments of wasted time. There has never been a single second where God has stopped showing me something...even during the times where I feel like I'm stuck or feeling like I am not going anywhere.

Discovery is all about becoming who you are and becoming who God has always dreamed for you...even if you feel like your heart is braking to the point of never coming back together. Always remember that God is not in the business of wasting time. Every moment, no matter how dull, how low, how high...there is something so important to learn and realize. May we always remember this...

...you just know...

It's crazy when you actually get to the point in your life when the decisions you make and the roads you decide to go down actually start making a difference. It's not about what do I want to do when I grow up, it turns into what am I going to do in the next 3 months to decide exactly where I'm going. That realization gets pretty scary. All these emotions start building up deep inside your heart and day after day you're trying to figure out what all these emotions mean and what direction they are taking you....and then all of a sudden something happens and you just can't ignore the feeling that takes over your heart...

This past Sunday morning I was leading the worship at Kings Valley Wesleyan Church...nothing different or anything extra special was supposed to happen. Normal service and normal worship. Lately I have been feeling that any idea I would come up with for going away to some crazy awesome school or ministry training program just wasn't right. A huge part of me wanted to go, but I don't even know if I can explain it, but it just didn't feel right. Something kept bringing my heart back....and I still even right now can't completely tell what that is...but that Sunday morning something hit me so hard when I was leading the worship. I am not done here...I am not done fulfilling what God has been doing in my heart and in this place. I can't even fully explain it, but after that morning, there is no way I could leave. God is doing something beyond anything anyone could fully understand. And I feel that on Sunday morning...I got a very very small piece of that. And my heart was filled...my heart could never leave. I want to be a part of this...I want to see what God is going to do...and that filled my heart.

I still don't know exactly what's going to happen...and maybe I'll never know until the exact moment it happens...but there is something I know for sure. My heart isn't done here. There is something I am falling in love with in this place...and maybe that's the point. Maybe explaining it just ruins the incredible feeling in your heart. YOU JUST KNOW. I can't see it...there are so many things I still have questions about...but I don't need to see it right now because I know it's going to be ok. I know that whatever is planned for my life...I am going to be exactly where I'm supposed to be. And I want to obey that feeling in my heart. I don't want to run away from it. YOU JUST KNOW. And when you just know....you need to follow that no matter who is telling you not to or if someone is saying to experience more...when you know where God puts your heart...well YOU JUST KNOW...

...dying to self...

First off...just going to say that in this post, I will actually proof read it before I post it haha...probably an important thing to remember for the future...

This is a response to the sermon Jim Agrell gave Sunday morning at Kings Valley Wesleyan Church about how Easter isn't about living...it's about dying...dying to self, so that there is a place for God to come in and create something beautiful.

To me, Jim got it. As humans, we dream, we create, we plan, and we discover. We do these things because we were crafted after the ultimate dreamer, creator, planner, and discoverer. We all spend SO MUCH of our lives creating scenes and scenarios where our lives are something maybe that they aren't or something that they are SUPPOSED to be. We take what we believe is the right thing or we believe is what we were meant to do and we try to make that happen no matter what. But there is a higher calling to all of these things that I believe, at least for myself, is missed and forgotten at times. And this concept, to myself, is the key to understanding our dreams, creations, plans, and discoveries. And this concept is dying to self.

When we choose to die to self, we are choosing our God to take over absolutely everything that we have once thought to be the perfect thing to happen in our lives, and we give that away. Not in a "giving up" spirit or "that will never happen" spirit, but in a spirit where we TRUELY believe, hope, and pray that everything we have in our hearts and minds are part of a plan bigger than ourselves.

God has such a huge plan for every single one of our lives. To me, "huge" isn't even the right word to use here. The ultimate dreamer and creator has taken the time to make a path for our lives. Think about that for a second. The God that created everything we see, feel, touch, experience, has made a plan for every single one of our lives. When I think of that, I get so excited for what's to come in my future. I have zero idea of what everything is going to be, but even though it's definitely not easy, I trust that what God has for me, is so much more than what I could ever dream for myself.

Die to self...truely...and see what happens.

...hope...

There's a point in your life when holding on to a hope that you have created for yourself, or held onto with a strength that was never meant to hold a hope...and at that point when there seems to a crater in your path...there is One that is asking so much for you to just take a breath...and let His strength take over...

Ya it seems extremely easy to say and honestly it seems way like hoping in something unseen or, in our minds, impossible...but the sense of freedom that consumes your heart and your mind at that moment of total surrender cannot be described by words in my opinion. At that point of totally openness of the heart and vulnerability of the heart is where the God who has already conquered this can totally rap a hand around you and say "It's going to be ok, I love you". Of course I can't say exactly what He'll say, but I think the point is pretty obvious. Words like this, to us, from a Creator that gives us a heart to love, a hand to hold, and a rock solid hope to hold onto, can take the weakest, destroyed, beaten down, and twisted heart and make something beyond beautiful, beyond what our word "happy" means....I think the better word is COMPLETE....

Our God has such an incredible plan for our future and our purpose...greater than anything we can even hope to dream for...and that is something that we can hold on to.

...obsessed...

I thought being in love would make me someone else, something MORE than what I was...XP3

I remember when I was 12 years old...very memorable day in my young life...sitting right in front of the canteen at Caton's Island. My parents sat me down and I will always remember this talk for the rest of my life...they told me that I was now allowed to go out and in their words "spend time" with a girl as more than just friends...

In my family the time spent with someone you were interested in dating or had a crush on was a pretty big deal, and my parents felt that it was something that came with age and maturity. Dating and "hanging out" with a girl for me was something that I didn't just do whenever or with whoever I wanted. That stage of my life came when I was 12 years old...and we all know how important and deep a dating relationship can be at 12 years old...but in any case, it was the beginning of a new world for me...a world of dates, holding hands and of course the opportunity for a first kiss...very epic moments in a young man's life...

For myself, relationships became a very important aspect to my life. The want for a girlfriend and that sense of identity became center in my life...and for the next 4 to 5 years I spent my time focused on finding that person to fill that spot...and that want eventually turned into a very intense obsession that I know some people experience. Friendships were lost and ruined a lot of times in that because when all I wanted was that deeper relationship when really that wasn't God's plan at that moment in my life.

This obsession ended up taking over my life so much that I started into relationships that I definitely shouldn't have been involved in...and that eventually led to an obsession to those girls that I was in relationships with...and that got dangerous.

There's a spot in our hearts that needs to be filled...we have all felt it in our lives at some point or maybe it still isn't filled. It's the idea of someone loving us and us having that person to pour our love into. And that spot leads to us looking for a certain someone to fill that...and ya it sounds cute and corny but sometimes it turns into a very dangerous game of filling that spot at all costs...and that's where we start destroying a plan that has already been planned for our lives but a God that cares so much about filling the lonely parts of our heart.

Obsession with the idea that there is one single person out there in this world that will rescue us from eternal loneliness and save us from everything heart breaking in this world is a dangerous hope to hold onto. The idea that there is a single person that will makes us happy with nothing else will is a hope that will always fall short of fulfilling that purpose. I know for myself I had to come to a place where there was a complete and amazing happiness in the idea that if I was never to be with someone again for the rest of my life, but I have a relationship with a God that honestly takes that loneliness away...I felt that I finally fit the word HAPPY. This was definitely a sense of happiness that I had never felt before...and in that feeling and in that security...I feel like I am now in a place that for someone to be in my life that I am falling completely in love with doesn't fulfill an empty place, but this person adds and creates a new kind of happiness that adds what my identity in the love of God...

A love like this has never felt more perfect or more real than it does now...Being in love with someone after already being in love with the ultimate lover is what real love is to me...Everything I felt before which I thought was love, was only an imitation of the love that I now feel for first the love for God...but also for the girl that I am falling in love with every day...

There is a search for love of a person that can be an empty search in the dark...but when the love that really counts and the love that will last for a life time, from a God who is desperately in love with you, then nothing can feel more real and more incredible...

...do not find yourself lost in an obsession with a search for the wrong love...cause the real love is already there waiting for you...and you will not discover the love God has for you until you first discover and accept His love...that is the REAL love...