...conflict...

Our final talk at KV Middle School Youth on friendship...

What if you’re doing everything right in a friendship...what if you’re picking the right friends...what if you are giving everything into a friendship....AND CONFLICT STILL HAPPENS....WHAT DO I DO WHEN IT HAPPENS...WHAT HAPPENS WHEN EVERYTHING FALLS APART...

You guys all know that for me growing up, friendships meant the absolute world to me. Having friends was very important to me. I wanted to be around people all the time and make everyone like me more than anything. So if anything was ever going wrong with a friendship...I needed to know everything was ok no matter what Even if I was being the most annoying person in the world to my friends. I had to make sure that everything was ok when it came to every little argument or disappointment. Even if the other person was in the wrong...I had to say the words IM SORRY....I’m sorry was a phrase that people heard quite a bit if they were in a friendship with John Lamos....and you probably will still here it from me all the time. I cared a lot about my friendships.

But there is another side of this that happens all the time in friendships...and it’s the fact that sometimes we don’t care about something bad happening with a friend...something really crappy with a best friend...and there is nothing that you want to do to make it better with that person...there is nothing in this world that pulls your heart to make it better. There are times when you don’t even want to look at the person let alone make everyone happy and smiley...the intense thing is is that sometimes it isn’t even a big thing that happens...a friend does something like disagree with you or something like that and we just lose it! I had friends like that...i would do something that i never felt was a huge thing....and they would LOSE it! And of course I was the one all sad coming up and saying sorry and looking like a huge panzy for not sticking up for myself haha...but how true is it that we freak out at our closest and best friends in this world over things...

And when you take a second and really look at it...that sucks that it happens. When you stand back for a second and look at your closest friends in this world and something happens that comes in between you...it is so easy to forget how close you are...and everything is ruined...and that HURTS your heart....and sometimes when the hurt is bad enough we don’t want anything to do with friends anymore...it’s easier to just not be close to people...it’s easier to forget about friendship and about love for a friendship and the closeness that happens with you have an incredible friendship....

BUT IS IT WORTH LOSING A FRIENDSHIP...IS CONFLICT EVER WORTH LOSING SOMEONE LIKE THAT...HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH A FIGHT OR CONFLICT LIKE JESUS WOULD...HOW DO YOU NOT LET CONFLICT GET IN THE WAY OF A FRIENDSHIP THAT GOD IS TOTALLY IN...

MATTHEW 22:37-39....love your neighbour as yourself....

This is a verse that probably everyone has heard at least one time in their lives...and it’s totally easy to just write that off and to not think much about it...i totally know i have....But if you really listened to what that verse meant and what that verse was really saying...it’s pretty intense! Imagine what would happen if we really genuinely lived by what that verse said...what would happen....what would be different...

But at the same time...how HARD would that be to live like that...be honest with yourself...how hard would it be to always ALWAYS treat your friends, brothers, sisters, parents...everyone as you wanted to be treated....that is not an easy thing....BUT IT IS SO IMPORTANT...

GOD DIDN’T SAY THAT THIS WAS THE MOST IMORPANT COMMANDMENT FOR A REASON....friendships are so important to God...we were created to have relationships, we were created to be close to people and connect with people...because we were created in God’s image and God wants to be connected and have that love with us so of course we long for that same closeness with Him but also with people...that’s why we are so passionate about friendships...and really that’s why we get so intense in conflict...

It actually says in Matthew 5:23-24....if you were bringing a sacrifice...stop what you are doing and fix the conflict with someone before you finish your offering...actually before you even put it on the altar...God cares so much about our friendships that He does not want conflict to exist with someone...it gets in the way of so much...not just our friendship with that person...but in our entire lives...how easy is it to get angry about other things when you are already angry with your best friend....I know for me when i was actually angry about something with a close friend...everything else made me angry...i would get angry with people that had no connection with my “friend fight”...God, parents, brothers and sisters, everyone...and that sucks...and it’s stupid...and that’s what God is talking about when it matters to Him when we are fighting with our friends...it isn’t a small thing...it can take over our lives in intense ways that sometimes we can’t see until it’s already happening...

Ephesians 4:26-27

So what if conflict still happens...because no matter how hard we try...we are human unfortunately...our friendships always involve two people who are completely imperfect in every single way...so of course conflict is going to happen no matter how hard we try...so I think the best question to really ask is HOW DO I DEAL WITH CONFLICT IN A WAY THAT HONORS GOD...

And this is not easy...doesn’t matter if you’re 11, 12 or if you’re 21...learning to get the best of conflict instead of letting conflict get the best of you takes so much practise...and I know for me....that’s always a struggle...because there are times even for someone who always says sorry...where I just want to lose it on someone...someone does something and I want to freak out and I want to get back at that person no matter what...im going to get revenge no matter what I have to do to do it...But that’s where we have to remember that verse....treat your friend the same way you would want to be treated...it’s not about getting revenge...it’s not about getting back at a friend...it’s about showing the love that God shows us through the ultimate friendship...how many times do we screw up our friendship with God? And how many times does He forgive us and still loves us? I think we can do this...do not give up on a friendship even if something horrible happens...cause we need eachother...especially as a youth group...even with us in this youth group we can hurt eachother...talking about bullying last week and everything....we need eachother so much...we need to just love eachother....